When this bailout bill passes, the crisis is just going to get worse, and stocks are going to continue to fall. How do l short to S&P 500 so l can get rich off this nonsense?

LOL you do not have a clue how to take the position you want, but you think you know the outcome already. That is rich.

There r several different ways, but for small investors the easiest way is to buy the ProShares Short S&P 500 ETF.
http://finance..com/q/pr?s=SH

Since u r so confident about ur ability to predict the market, u may also be interested in the double-short version: UltraShort S&P500 ProShares.
http://finance..com/q/pr?s=SDS

Note that l am not recommending ur course of action, since l am not that confident of my abilities to predict the short-term market action (in the long term, of course, shorting the S&P will lose.)

Unfortunately, a lot of people feel this way & later when the market falls they will say,''see, l could have made a fortune.''

The reality of the situation is a bit different. To take advantage of this u could use ETF is that r 1 to 1 leverage or double inverse ETF's. These r like stock that u purchase from a broker like etrade & when the index (like the SP 500) falls the price goes up inverselyy) some move double to the amount the market falls percentage wise.

You can also play the futures market ES but this would be very risky as the single contract is leveraged 50 to 1 thus making $12.50 for every .25 move.

These normally take time to understand & lots of practice to master. These r very risky & it would be best to put ur money in areas u r competent.

Professional traders r getting their heads handed to them.

Unless you are an experienced trader l would advise against trying any shorting strategy. The danger is that you could get 'whipsawed' in a moment that you lease expect it. The most successful investors have a long term view. Ultimately the markets will return to profitability and if you do not take that view you may kick yourself when it does happen.

Your strategy is based more on guessing, no substance to it. There will be a bounce to the market tomorrow. We have been in a bull market for about 11 months now, they generally only go to 14 months. After the initial bump & small rally stocks will retreat a bit, They could go down to 9700, but indicators r not very strong to get the Dow down that low. This market should turn around in the near future for a short time, when it does, u do not want to be shorted. Good luck.

How to short the S&P500 ?

You open an account at Scottrade for example. Put some money into your account and go home.

You sit down in front of your computer and log into your account. Click on Trade. Enter a buy order for SDS or just buy SH.

l recommend using SDS instead. It is better than shorting the S&P500. When the S&P500 goes down 1%, SH goes up 1% and SDS rises 2%. When the S&P goes DOWN 1%, SH falls 1%, SDS falls 2%. See? SDS goes faster.

you have no basis to your planned position at all. especially shorting a whole index? that is retarded.